I Loathe You, For Sentimental Reasons
by sienna27
Summary: Prompt Set #50 - Title Challenge: Scorched Earth: Very short, AU one shot covering Hotch's thoughts shortly after Haley's departure. Very dark. But if you've always hated Haley, this one's for you! *First Person POV


**Author's Note:** If you follow me on either Tumblr or Twitter, you might have noticed me bitching about being sick this week. If you don't, or haven't, FYI, I'm sick. Very sick. Sick enough that I've been taking 'sick days' even though I work from home. That's pretty God damn sick.

On the plus side though, today as I lay curled up in bed, half watching Big Trouble in Little China on Netflix, half listening to the death rattle in my lungs, I was poking around in my dropbox folder, and I found a bunch of stuff that I never finished! And I don't mean like the stuff that you're all WAITING for me to finish, I mean just random stuff that I started one day, and forgot about. This is one of those things.

Super, super short, one shot randomness from the back of my brain.

This is first person AU from a very dark and very bitter Hotch. It's a world where he and Haley separated a bit later than they did in canon. And as a result things between them ended a quite a bit uglier than they did onscreen. And if Hotch seems a bit OOC, remember two points, a) that things in their marriage ended horribly, and b) that he is _physically_ alone during the timing of this narrative. So if you can't realistically 'see' him saying these things to Haley's face, you don't have to, because she's not there :)

Beyond that, Haley Haters rejoice :)

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**_Twitter: ffsienna27 _**_– For story announcements, etc. If the alerts, (or the site), are down, this is a backup to find out what's going on for postings. There's also random randomness that is my brain._

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**Prompt Set #50 (July 2013)**

Show: Law & Order: SVU

Title Challenge: Scorched Earth

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**I Loathe You, For Sentimental Reasons**

"_I'm not happy. And I haven't been for a long time."_

Those were the last words you uttered as you walked out our front door with the bag in your hand, and the chip on your shoulder.

You walked out that door, and you took my child with you.

It was a fucking cliché. Still though, I wanted to run after you, screaming, fuck you, you bitch. How _dare_ you. How dare you do this to me. To us.

To our family.

But it would have been pointless. And stupid. Just me reading my pages from the script.

That of the supposedly jilted husband.

And yes, by the way, I knew about the affair. I knew from the very beginning. And yes, in case you've ever wondered . . . or more importantly, in case you _didn't_ . . . the reason that he suddenly stopped calling you, was because of me. Because I stopped by his apartment one night. And I promise you sweetheart, that your boyfriend won't be visiting anyone else's wife.

Ever.

Still though, even with that betrayal . . . on my more charitable days, I think of you as That Judas Whore . . . and even though I've since grown to despise even the grating sound of your voice, I probably would have stuck around for another few years. Not because any part of me still loves you . . . it doesn't, quite the opposite actually . . . but because of Jack. Because I didn't want to break up his home.

Not yet, that is.

Because he's still much too little to understand the antipathy that you and I have come to call our marriage. So I figured it would do him no harm . . . and it would do me a great deal of good . . . to simply just let us all live under the same roof for another three or four years. At least until he was old enough to understand what was happening.

Until he was old enough to make a choice.

But unfortunately you've taken that card away from me. Bully for you sweetheart. But I've got a card too. Because here's the thing. The thing that you don't want to hear. I don't care that you're gone.

And I don't want you back.

I'm sure that's a bit of a shock. Because I know people . . . and more particularly . . . I know you. And I know that you thought you were being oh so clever and manipulative. That you would think, now he'll appreciate me. Now he'll see what he took for granted and want me back.

No.

Never. I couldn't be happier that you're gone.

Truly.

I do want my son back though, and that _is_ going to happen. So trust me when I say, you will not fight me on custody. It will be joint, and it will be equal, and that will be the end of the conversation. Don't push me on this.

If you do, you'll be sorry.

So that's all I want returned to me . . . my child. The rest of it, the house, the car, the friends . . . the photographs . . . you can keep all that. I don't need it. But more to the point, I don't _want_ it.

And I don't want any it because it all reminds me of my old life.

Of my life with you.

And that's done.

I'm ready to move on now . . . I have moved on actually. You don't need to know any more than that. Because that's my business, not yours. Of course my business stopped being your business one year, four months, and three weeks ago. That's when you started fucking another man. Did you remember the anniversary?

I did.

And you know part of me feels like I'm supposed to say something else now. Maybe remember back to the days when our life together wasn't a living hell.

Back when our marriage was good.

But that would be a lie too. Because that betrayal . . . it poisoned all the rest of it. I regret the day I ever met you. And I regret the day I gave you my name. And though I adore my son with everything good in me, I wish Jack's mother was anyone _but_ you.

Thank God he looks like me.

So, that's that. I'd say have a nice life, but that would be yet another lie. And we're well beyond those. But hey maybe now that we're done, you can look up your old boyfriend again. See how he's doing. And if you do, you be sure to tell him I said hi. And that maybe I'll be back around to see him again someday. Maybe on your anniversary.

Maybe just because it's a Tuesday.

Either way, it'll be for old time's sake . . . and you remember that too.

So this is the end. Goodbye sweetheart.

I hope you rot.

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_A/N 2: So there go. Love it or hate, it's just a little bit of very angry, very bitter, very SCARY, Hotch. If you read my other stuff, you know I always gave Haley a more 'charitable' turn over the bouncing phone calls scene. But here, I decided she was a cheating whore :) At least that's how Hotch saw it. And I do think that he would take a betrayal like that as unforgiveable. And that he would take it out on the man because he couldn't take it out on her._

_Side note, I found a few other short incomplete tales, at least one of which I might get up tonight too. We'll see :)_


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